Friday, August 11, 2006

Clarification...


It was brought to my knowledge, by a hairy little critter named Dan, whose bad teeth which were littered with pieces of mince pie and tea stained plaque distracted much of my attention, that my stories were inconsistent. A declaration like this must be analyzed. Did I mix up my story? I stated that my family died. I later said my Mom criticized my novel. Now, if he had done the research, it would have been extremely clear to him that the err, oh wretched little isle rat, was his.
In the issue of "Worldwide Muscle and Pain" magazine, the short piece entitled, "Eskimo Warrior Prince: Octagon's Next Face Crusher?" exposayed (i can't figure out how to do that vaginal accent line over the E) my life. It discussed the leaving of my parents house at a young age, far younger than what was typical in my walrus hunting tribe. At the ripe age of 7, i was sent to become a man. This ritual consisted of finding a rare albino walrus, breaking off its tusks, and feeding it peanut butter on a spoon (you scrape the peanut butter on the roof of its mouth, they can't get it off with their tongues... hillarity ensues). I then came back to the village with the tusks. For my wife, the custom was to sneak into another man's igloo during the night and stab him with both tusks, and you then take his wife (due to the incredibly small population of women, there were only 3 back then, but we applied and recieved a batch of 15 mail-orders from siberia, so the woman population is back at a reasonable level). MY PARENTS DIDNT LIVE WITH ME... I built my own igloo, and at the age of 7 and 1/2, began creating my young. the first of which was born on my eigth birthday, no joke... we would share power rangers and stuff for birthday presents, he would get blue ranger, i would red, and we would have them fight... awesome. My parents frequented Reno for investment purposes, and just happened to be on such a trip when my family was killed by those goddamn oil people. story over, dan loses, i win....
Picture above is from "Worldwide Muscle and Pain" magazine... I am not in the picture because i was only 7, and preferred to fight naked... it would have been childporn if they showed me, so they couldnt...

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