Thursday, September 07, 2006

The American Dream


I am an american. You can tell if you see me. I have massive biceps, a mustache, and mudflaps on my safari jeep (and by safari, I mean setting off on an expedition to the Portland Community College parking lot and encountering numerous female homosapiens that succomb to my animalistic physique and beg to procreate with this alpha male). I am american like the star spangled banner, like wwe wrestling, and like t-shirts that are xxxl in size, but picture a much thinner, bikini clad body.
So what do i think about team USA losing? I find it funny. We didn't lose. What was to be won? It was a fake tournament with nothing at stake. My humble sensai once told me, fight for that which rewards you, for that which has no reward, is not worth fighting for. So what did the winners get? They got crappy Karate Kid bandanas. Look at the pics of the spanish team after they won, that is all you see. They didn't win the girl.... No crane kicks were thrown. Hell, daniel-san himself (pau gasol) sat out. If this was a karate kid sequel, it would be that movie RV (which wasn't a karate kid sequel, but sucked as its own brand of movie. Imagine the amount of suckage if it would have been Karate kid 5 or something but with the same premise. Awful, i know).
Americans know what they want. They want the bling, the medals. I don't blame them for choosing not to win. They made it to the semis, and you know as they were walking out of the locker room they caught a glance of the award case. They all probably stopped, paused, and once they realized the only prize would be some douchey Japanese headbands. That's why kobe didnt play, i promise you that.
So let me know who i need to challenge to an octagon fight to finally feel vindicated. I would say Jackie Chan, because he is the japanese ambassador to america (with all those movies, lets be real, he is their most famous humanitarian. Plus I've wanted to monkey punch him in the adam's apple for a long time... if he even has an adam's apple). fill me in

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