Friday, September 15, 2006

Greatest Bands/Albums Ever

This last week has been rough. I have been told I am washed up, that my stories are bland, that I might be the father of a chicano kid named Choco, and in an unrelated story, that my mother might be dead (they aren't sure if it is her, the remains are minimal at best. She did enjoy smoking in bed, and often fell asleep with a cigarette hanging loosley from her mouth. Not to mention the fact she only drank 151, kept an open bottle of it next to her at all times, and slept with baby oil on her face... it kept her looking young for when the walrus hunters came to port, I can still smell the blubber and saltwater from those gentlemen callers to this day...). So, to lighten up the mood, I have decided to create the first installment of:

MAXIMUM INTENSITY X-TREME ULTRA MEGA ROCKING HITS

1. The first band i would like to introduce you to is Krokus... You may know them from their one hit "Ballroom Blitz" which rocked the balls off of an entire generation (thus the yuppie movement shortly after), but these artists made music not for those spur of the moment cocaine and rum induced orgies in the ball pit at a chuck e. cheese's, but also for each man's gentler side. when i send flowers to my cage match opponents hospital rooms or funerals, you can usually see me outside the ICU/cemetary sitting with a bottle of beefeater (to dispell those gay rumors), in my red honda accord with the hawaiian-print seat covers, shedding a tear to the track, "Boys Night Out" off of their critically awknowledged The Blitz album.

2. Bruce Springsteen - if you don't know who this guy is, then die. seriously, he made wonderful music that caused little Courtney Cox's to wanna jump out of the crowd at his show, dance with the boss, and get railed so hardcore in the boses dressing room right after the concert that they needed a support group of 5 other friends to live right next to each other and give her support so the memories of bruce going silverback gorilla on that ass doesnt consume her every waking moment. He has, unfortunatley, turned soft, like most older rockers do. Ozzy doesn't bite the head off of bats anymore, Elton John turned gay recently, and Rick James did the ultimate sellout, he died. So what can we learn from this? that although old rockers have a tendency to soften, sell out, and suck cock, some old guys are better remembered for their earlier work....

Listen...... i need to be honest. I can't do this anymore. I am faking it. My heart is not in it.
I will no longer post online, anywhere. I need to stop this shit, i need to grow up, get a job, find a fucking home that is MINE, not my goddamn brothers.... this whole thing is bullshit, you (yeah you, the reader) spend too much time on a goddamn computer, go outside and fucking live. we all get way to involved in this computer stuff. people feel real emotions, get upset, get happy get fucking whatever when their little anonymous online name is either accepted or rejected by a bunch of other ANONYMOUS people. this is one of the most retarded, unimportant things i can imagine. the whole point of fitting in is being able to Spend Time with REAL People, not just punch keys and sit behind some bullshit facade. Im tired of living in a fake world, void of any and all senses, I'm sure you are all great people, but live like a person, that's what I am about to do. I have so many things left I feel like I need to see, and this fucking mechanical box destroys that valuable time left. For my friends I've met online, you are great, I hope you take my advice, maybe I'll see you in a bar sometime, maybe we will cross paths on burnside, downtown, hell, maybe the spanish steps in Rome, but until then, find happiness, and not this electronic kind, it won't truly make you happy...

1 Comments:

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